27 March, 2010

It Only Takes One Day To Change A Life!!

On January 25, 2010, I got ready for work and took the bus down to Pittsford. I had a few minutes to kill before I actually had to be in, and I was worrying about my late period so as I usually do when its late, I bought a pregnancy test just to be sure. I wasn't nervous since I did this many times and I was on birth control, and even on birth control my period wouldn't come immediately. I bought a generic Wegmans brand and went to the bathroom. Now on these tests you would either get a minus sign or a plus sign. Doesn't take brain science to figure out which means which! Well....mine came up with a vertical line! What the hell does THAT mean? This is what I kept asking myself as I walked to work, signed in, sat at the shift meeting, and prepared everything for the day. I told Halley, and Lindsey, and Meaghan. They asked the same question. I took the second test on my 15 min. break...same result. Nervousness and shaking started kicking in but even with this on my mind, I still managed to look calm and keep a smile on my face for the customers. On my lunch break I ran back to Wegmans and bought a better pregnancy test but didn't have time to take it. So I waited until my last 15 min and took it. POSITIVE! I almost lost it, but knew I had to go back to work, so when I wasn't dealing with customers, I was deep in my head problem solving. Thinking about what to tell Kyle, how much it was for an abortion. Do I want an abortion? When it was finally time for me to go I went to the bus stop and called mom originally just to ask when would be the best time to call my doctor. But I couldn't hide it from her. I broke down! I sobbed! She was silent for a few minutes then told me that a baby is never a curse it is always a blessing. Things happen for a reason. She said she will come up in an hour and we will talk it over. I cried the entire ride back home and when I confronted Kyle, I could barely keep it together. He immediately thought of abortion too. But when my mother came over she changed our minds. She had a solution already made up in her head. We would move in with her so that we wouldn't have to worry about rent and the stress of living in the city. And we would have the help to raise this child. After the long talk we went out to eat and Kyle was beginning to become more positive about this than I was. He said that this was the change we needed to get ourselves back on our feet and back into our lives. And he was right! For the sake of the baby we have actually been setting our goals again with baby involved of course but it was the slap in the face we needed to wake up and become responsible again.

I've gone through a great deal of all day "morning sickness" since then! And I have also found a great deal of support from my family, friends, and EVERYONE at Barnes and Noble.
I'm in my 16th week and the baby is due either the end of August or beginning of September. I am more excited than scared or worried now, and so is Kyle. We have both done the math and the research and found it would be much easier on us to continue living in the city when the baby is born rather than move in with my mother in Bloomfield (45 minutes away from work) buy a car, and pay for insurance and gas on top of a baby. It's going to be hard! I am fully aware of that! But it will also be a challenge! One I am willing to see through, because I know the reward of that challenge will be exponentially greater than any other reward I could think of!

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