Poor Jack

I've fucked a lot up! Stopped caring about my classes. Stopped caring about my bills! Stop about my apartment! I don't know if its because of all the deaths around me. First Jeff, then Mike, and now Nancey! I can't just put myself into a depression anymore. I gotta live!! I gotta do shit!! I can't just sit in my apartment and knit and log onto facebook every 5 seconds! Thats pathetic!!

So its starting today!! Just used up all of my saved money for rent on my bills! Started cleaning the kitchen! From now on gotta watch spending!! No more yarn buying!!

My Hermione Hat

So I was watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner from Azkaban a couple of days ago(my favorite out of all the Harry Potter books) and I became obsessed with Hermione's Cable and bobbles hat. I knew there was a pattern for it in the Harry Potter knitting book, but I had no money and no way to get out and get the book, so I made the pattern from scratch. This will be the first one I have ever put to writing. Do what you want with it. make it and sell it it but please please please give me some credit for it!!

Hermione's Cable and Bobbles Hat

I used US8 circ/dp needles

and Lamb's Pride worsted ( the name of the color faded on the label so which ever color you want. Its actually more red than in the picture)

Guage: 4.5 sts/inch

Fits 21" circ.

-C6B=put 3 sts on cable needle and hold in back, K3,K3 on needle

-T4B=put next 2 purl sts on cable hold in back, K2,P2 on needle

-T4F=put next 2 knit sts on cable, hold in front, P2, K2 on needle

-CO 84

-K2P2 ribbing for 20 rounds, more if you want a thicker cuff.

-set-up round:

(k6,p4,k6,p9,k2,p1) 3x

-Pattern:

R1: (C6B,P4,C6B,P9,K2,P1)3x

R2: (K6,P4,K6,P7,T4B,P1)3x

R3: (K6,P4,K6,P7,K2,P3)3x

R4: (K6,P4,K6,P5,T4B,P3)3x

R5: (C6B,P4,C6B,P5,K2,P5)3x

R6: (K6,P4,K6,P3,T4B,P5)3x

R7: (K6,P4,K6,P3,K2,P7)3x

R8: (K6,P4,K6,P1,T4B,P7)3x

R9: (C6B,P4,C6B,P1,K2,P9)3x

R10: (K6,P4,K6,P1,K2,P4,mB,P4)3x

R11: (K6,P4,K6,P1,K2,P9)3x

R12: (K6,P4,K6,P1,T4F,P7)3x

R13: (C6B,P4,C6B,P3,K2,P7)3x

R14: (K6,P4,K6,P3,T4F,P5)3x

R15: (K6,P4,K6,P5,K2,P5)3x

R16: (K6,P4,K6,P5,T4F,P3)3x

R17: (C6B, P4,C6B,P7,K2,P3)3x

R18: (K6,P4,K6,P7,T4F,P1)3x

R19: (K6,P4,K6,P9,K2,P1)3x

R20: (K6,P4,K6,P4,mB,P4,K2,P1)3x

-Do pattern twice before Decrease. I tried to keep with the pattern while decreasing, so it might seem a little more complicated than it should have been, but I was winging it!

-Decreasing:

R1: C6B,P4, (put next 3 sts on cable, K2tog,K1,K3 on cable),P7,P2tog,K2,P1,C6B,P2,P2tog,C6B,P6,P2tog,P1,K2,P1,C6B,P2,P2tog,C6B,P6,P2tog,

P1,K2,P1-Dec 6 sts (78 total)

R2: Continue in Pattern

R3: K6,P4, K1,K2tog,K2,P6,K2,P1,P2tog,K6,P3,K2,K2tog,K2,P6,K2,P1,P2tog,K6,P3,K2,K2tog,K2,P6,K2,

P1,P2tog-Dec 6 sts (72 total)

R4: Continue in Pattern (now is a goos time to change to DP's 24 sts on 3 needles)

R5: !st needle[C6B,P4,(put 2 sts on cable, K2, K2tog on cable), P4,K2,P2,P2tog]

2nd and 3rd[C6B,P3,(put 2 sts on cable, K3,K2tog on cable),P4,K2,P2,P2tog]-Dec 6 (66 total)

R6: Continue in Pattern

R7: 1st needle[K6,P2,P2tog,K3,P2,K2,P3,P2tog]; needles 2 and 3[K6,P3,K2tog,K2,P2,K2,P3,P2tog]-Dec 6 (60 total)

R8: [K6,P2,K2tog,K2,P2,K2,P2,P2tog]3x-(54 total)

R9: [C6B,P1,(ok put p st and next k st on cable, K2, K2tog on cable),P2,K2,P1,P2tog]3x(48 total)

R10: [K6,K2tog,K2,P2,K2,P2tog] 3x-(42 total)

R11: [K5,K2tog,K2,P2,K1,K2tog] 3x-(36 total)

R12: [K4,K2tog,K2,P2,K2tog] 3x-(30 total)

R13: [K3,K2tog,K2,P1,P2tog] 3x-(24 total)

R14: [K2,K2tog,K2,P2tog] 3x-(18 total)

R15: [K1,K2tog,K1,K2tog] 3x-(12 total)

R16: [K2tog] 3x-(6 total)

Cut yarn and fasten off!!

Giving

Sometimes, giving sucks. Well, only when the person you give to acts oblivious to it, and/or doesn't return the favor. And there are different degrees of giving. Like giving a friend one of your Reese's after trick or treating, if they don't give back, not a big deal! But then there are moments when you give something valuable, something that is precious to you and they don't thank you or return the favor. That is when it hurts! You almost feel like you gave up a piece of yourself and it only goes to shit! You don't feel as whole as you did. You start off feeling something for this person, I can't think of a word describing what that feeling is perhaps a type of love, even if this person is a friend. And you want to give something to this person, as a sign of your affection. And you want that something to be special hoping that it will also mean something to the person. So when you give it, whatever it is, your nervous you have a little bit of fear as to whether that person will accept it, appreciate it. And if they do, fantastic! You two have a connection, you can go further in that relationship you have even more of that indescribable feeling for the person. But if they don't, the pain and let down is terrible. You feel worthless, like shit. And you have a new hatred for the person, even for a little while. You also lose respect for them. Sometimes, depending on what you gave, this only lasts for a little while and sometimes and can completely end what you felt for the person.

In my case, it hasn't ended anything, put its put me closer to that point. I have lost a little bit of love for him and respect. I tried giving him something that I thought, judging from past conversations he would really love from me. But there was no acknowledgement and there was no return. And now I am angry, and upset. And trying to figure out what to do now. How to confront him without sounding stupid and pathetic. But at this moment just trying to calm down and think rationally!!