Humorous Salvation

The Beginning of Motherhood

2010-09-30T14:44:00.002-04:00

Neala arrived over a week late on September 18th. 12 hours of labor and NO Epidural. I feel that is an accomplishment; at least when I tell other mothers that, they make me feel like I have accomplished something great. I DID have Nubain...but it slowed my contractions down and I ended up needing Pitocin, but I made it through transition without any pain meds!!

I'm finding in my first weeks of Neala, I am becoming much better at multitasking. Such as, breastfeeding, knitting, and using my foot to operate the Xbox to watch movies on Netflix. She STILL has no set schedule, and will eat and sleep when she pleases, and trying to get ahead by pumping milk to be stored for later is damn near impossible since she is constantly hungry. Still debating on giving her formula every now and then. Kyle is against it...otherwise I would have done so already.

On a knitting subject, I am doing my first lace shawl(with actual lace yarn, no substituting with worsted and larger needles). Its the Pretty Maids shawl from Knitty's Deep Fall collection.

the Wait and the Frustration

2010-09-08T11:32:00.002-04:00

I'm 2 cm dilated and she's supposedly due tomorrow! She hasn't dropped so we'll see. At this point I want the pregnancy to be over mainly because of the shortness of breathe and the inability to sleep no many how many pillows are between my legs and under my stomach. Frankly, sleeping for only 2 hours at a time til she wakes up is better than never making it to REM at all!!

On top of that Kyle has been frustrating me. He says one thing, then the opposite not even 20 minutes after. "It really upsets me when you don't say 'our apartment' or 'our baby'!"

Couple hours later

"So I guess from now on we will be referred to as 'we' and 'our' and I won't be able to have 'me time'!"

And then there was; "I'm so frustrated that none of our friends call to hang out with us anymore because we have a baby."

then, 15 minutes later after I got a hold of his cousin, Jeff, to see what he was up to;

"I just want to have a lazy day to play video games and get stuff done around the house.And we don't have the money to go do stuff!"

He complains, I try to fix the problem, and he still complains! I gave up! I got up and grabbed the clothe diapers and some of my dirty clothes and went downstairs to do laundry. He is now playing his video games! Yet as soon as I start knitting, I'm the guilty one for not doing anything productive. At least my hobby will prove to be useful come the Apocalypse!

Am I the only knitter out there with conflict from friends and loved ones? I feel like I am sometimes!!

Any Day Now!!

2010-08-23T10:53:00.006-04:00

Neala (pronounced Nay-la) is due Sept 9th. Everyone has started making their predictions on which day. Some go by the fact that she is my first and so therefore will come late, others go by how I was born, and I was three days early. Josie's prediction was for tomorrow. I'll be working tomorrow and info and four of my co-workers made up an elaborate plan for me to deliver there at the store. That way it could be posted as an "above and beyond" event on the company's website.

I really hope my water doesn't break there! Or if it does, it doesn't grab attention so I can sneak out before George or Doug find out :-)

Kyle and I have moved into a much larger place just a couple blocks down from the old one. Its in an apartment complex that was once the Normandie Hotel in the 1920's. Neala will have her own room when she's older. The place is safe there are security cameras and Kyle's cousin, Jess, works in the building.

I'm nervous, but also very excited to meet my daughter, see her face, watch her personality develop. I also just want the whole pregnancy part to be over. The muscle aches, lack of sleep(which wont stop even when she's here), the shortness of breath, and the not being able to have a good drink ;-)

I've been spending my time working, knitting(things that I shouldn't be knitting) and "nesting".

I have been washing her clothes, and fretting over which outfit I want to bring her home in! The room is not anywheres near done, but she won't be there her first few months. Since I'm breastfeeding she'll be with me and Kyle in our bedroom. Mom is bringing over the cradle that she bought for me.

Creep!

2010-04-16T14:30:00.003-04:00

When I want to compare what I want to be as a mother compared to what I don't want to be, all I have to do is look at the mother of my youngest brother.

-I will not deprive my child of their father or the rest of their family no matter how much I disagree with them!

-I will not deprive my child of a good education!

-I will make sure my child is well kept and clean when in public!

-I will not subject my child to abusive and terrible people!

-When my child is old enough to decide what they want, I will let them make their own decisions and not manipulate them and tell them what they really want out of life!

They will be my everything! And I will do everything I can to keep them happy!

Happy? Easter.

2010-04-03T16:23:00.002-04:00

The only plans made for Easter this year were with Kyle's parents and cousin on Easter Sunday. Which should be interesting since his father has no intention of talking to either of us and his mother, although very excited about the baby, doesn't really make any appearance that she likes me. Needless to say it will be a bit uncomfortable. Jess will be there which will help. I love Jess!

Meanwhile, my mom's side have NO plans whatsoever, or at least haven't bothered telling me. And though dad invited me I know for a fact that he only asked because his wife told him to. If it was up to him he would forget about me completely. He loved us all when we were little, but as soon as we grew up, he wanted nothing to do with us. Especially now that I am having a baby! Sometimes I really hate him! And I wish it didn't have to be like that! After all he put me through I still can't ignore him, he's my father! Even if he has rarely ever played the role!

And ACTION!!!

2010-03-27T19:16:00.003-04:00

I started crocheting a baby blanket a couple days ago using a size I hook and Patons classic wool I was originally using for another blanket. Its just a basic Granny Square blanket that I picked up off of the Lion Brand site.

Thought I'd just throw a bunch of colors in since we have yet to find out the sex of baby.

I'm also going to David's birthday at Buffalo Wild Wings with Crystal and Derek and Kyle tonight. Should be fun, I am giving David a fake scene table, those black boards directors use to tell what scene they are on (they slam down the top of it and yell action). Its to go with his film making career *smirk*!

It Only Takes One Day To Change A Life!!

2010-03-27T14:21:00.008-04:00

On January 25, 2010, I got ready for work and took the bus down to Pittsford. I had a few minutes to kill before I actually had to be in, and I was worrying about my late period so as I usually do when its late, I bought a pregnancy test just to be sure. I wasn't nervous since I did this many times and I was on birth control, and even on birth control my period wouldn't come immediately. I bought a generic Wegmans brand and went to the bathroom. Now on these tests you would either get a minus sign or a plus sign. Doesn't take brain science to figure out which means which! Well....mine came up with a vertical line! What the hell does THAT mean? This is what I kept asking myself as I walked to work, signed in, sat at the shift meeting, and prepared everything for the day. I told Halley, and Lindsey, and Meaghan. They asked the same question. I took the second test on my 15 min. break...same result. Nervousness and shaking started kicking in but even with this on my mind, I still managed to look calm and keep a smile on my face for the customers. On my lunch break I ran back to Wegmans and bought a better pregnancy test but didn't have time to take it. So I waited until my last 15 min and took it. POSITIVE! I almost lost it, but knew I had to go back to work, so when I wasn't dealing with customers, I was deep in my head problem solving. Thinking about what to tell Kyle, how much it was for an abortion. Do I want an abortion? When it was finally time for me to go I went to the bus stop and called mom originally just to ask when would be the best time to call my doctor. But I couldn't hide it from her. I broke down! I sobbed! She was silent for a few minutes then told me that a baby is never a curse it is always a blessing. Things happen for a reason. She said she will come up in an hour and we will talk it over. I cried the entire ride back home and when I confronted Kyle, I could barely keep it together. He immediately thought of abortion too. But when my mother came over she changed our minds. She had a solution already made up in her head. We would move in with her so that we wouldn't have to worry about rent and the stress of living in the city. And we would have the help to raise this child. After the long talk we went out to eat and Kyle was beginning to become more positive about this than I was. He said that this was the change we needed to get ourselves back on our feet and back into our lives. And he was right! For the sake of the baby we have actually been setting our goals again with baby involved of course but it was the slap in the face we needed to wake up and become responsible again.

I've gone through a great deal of all day "morning sickness" since then! And I have also found a great deal of support from my family, friends, and EVERYONE at Barnes and Noble.

I'm in my 16th week and the baby is due either the end of August or beginning of September. I am more excited than scared or worried now, and so is Kyle. We have both done the math and the research and found it would be much easier on us to continue living in the city when the baby is born rather than move in with my mother in Bloomfield (45 minutes away from work) buy a car, and pay for insurance and gas on top of a baby. It's going to be hard! I am fully aware of that! But it will also be a challenge! One I am willing to see through, because I know the reward of that challenge will be exponentially greater than any other reward I could think of!

Poor Jack

2009-11-18T12:13:00.002-05:00

I've fucked a lot up! Stopped caring about my classes. Stopped caring about my bills! Stop about my apartment! I don't know if its because of all the deaths around me. First Jeff, then Mike, and now Nancey! I can't just put myself into a depression anymore. I gotta live!! I gotta do shit!! I can't just sit in my apartment and knit and log onto facebook every 5 seconds! Thats pathetic!!

So its starting today!! Just used up all of my saved money for rent on my bills! Started cleaning the kitchen! From now on gotta watch spending!! No more yarn buying!!

My Hermione Hat

2009-11-10T12:23:00.005-05:00

So I was watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner from Azkaban a couple of days ago(my favorite out of all the Harry Potter books) and I became obsessed with Hermione's Cable and bobbles hat. I knew there was a pattern for it in the Harry Potter knitting book, but I had no money and no way to get out and get the book, so I made the pattern from scratch. This will be the first one I have ever put to writing. Do what you want with it. make it and sell it it but please please please give me some credit for it!!

Hermione's Cable and Bobbles Hat

I used US8 circ/dp needles

and Lamb's Pride worsted ( the name of the color faded on the label so which ever color you want. Its actually more red than in the picture)

Guage: 4.5 sts/inch

Fits 21" circ.

-C6B=put 3 sts on cable needle and hold in back, K3,K3 on needle

-T4B=put next 2 purl sts on cable hold in back, K2,P2 on needle

-T4F=put next 2 knit sts on cable, hold in front, P2, K2 on needle

-CO 84

-K2P2 ribbing for 20 rounds, more if you want a thicker cuff.

-set-up round:

(k6,p4,k6,p9,k2,p1) 3x

-Pattern:

R1: (C6B,P4,C6B,P9,K2,P1)3x

R2: (K6,P4,K6,P7,T4B,P1)3x

R3: (K6,P4,K6,P7,K2,P3)3x

R4: (K6,P4,K6,P5,T4B,P3)3x

R5: (C6B,P4,C6B,P5,K2,P5)3x

R6: (K6,P4,K6,P3,T4B,P5)3x

R7: (K6,P4,K6,P3,K2,P7)3x

R8: (K6,P4,K6,P1,T4B,P7)3x

R9: (C6B,P4,C6B,P1,K2,P9)3x

R10: (K6,P4,K6,P1,K2,P4,mB,P4)3x

R11: (K6,P4,K6,P1,K2,P9)3x

R12: (K6,P4,K6,P1,T4F,P7)3x

R13: (C6B,P4,C6B,P3,K2,P7)3x

R14: (K6,P4,K6,P3,T4F,P5)3x

R15: (K6,P4,K6,P5,K2,P5)3x

R16: (K6,P4,K6,P5,T4F,P3)3x

R17: (C6B, P4,C6B,P7,K2,P3)3x

R18: (K6,P4,K6,P7,T4F,P1)3x

R19: (K6,P4,K6,P9,K2,P1)3x

R20: (K6,P4,K6,P4,mB,P4,K2,P1)3x

-Do pattern twice before Decrease. I tried to keep with the pattern while decreasing, so it might seem a little more complicated than it should have been, but I was winging it!

-Decreasing:

R1: C6B,P4, (put next 3 sts on cable, K2tog,K1,K3 on cable),P7,P2tog,K2,P1,C6B,P2,P2tog,C6B,P6,P2tog,P1,K2,P1,C6B,P2,P2tog,C6B,P6,P2tog,

P1,K2,P1-Dec 6 sts (78 total)

R2: Continue in Pattern

R3: K6,P4, K1,K2tog,K2,P6,K2,P1,P2tog,K6,P3,K2,K2tog,K2,P6,K2,P1,P2tog,K6,P3,K2,K2tog,K2,P6,K2,

P1,P2tog-Dec 6 sts (72 total)

R4: Continue in Pattern (now is a goos time to change to DP's 24 sts on 3 needles)

R5: !st needle[C6B,P4,(put 2 sts on cable, K2, K2tog on cable), P4,K2,P2,P2tog]

2nd and 3rd[C6B,P3,(put 2 sts on cable, K3,K2tog on cable),P4,K2,P2,P2tog]-Dec 6 (66 total)

R6: Continue in Pattern

R7: 1st needle[K6,P2,P2tog,K3,P2,K2,P3,P2tog]; needles 2 and 3[K6,P3,K2tog,K2,P2,K2,P3,P2tog]-Dec 6 (60 total)

R8: [K6,P2,K2tog,K2,P2,K2,P2,P2tog]3x-(54 total)

R9: [C6B,P1,(ok put p st and next k st on cable, K2, K2tog on cable),P2,K2,P1,P2tog]3x(48 total)

R10: [K6,K2tog,K2,P2,K2,P2tog] 3x-(42 total)

R11: [K5,K2tog,K2,P2,K1,K2tog] 3x-(36 total)

R12: [K4,K2tog,K2,P2,K2tog] 3x-(30 total)

R13: [K3,K2tog,K2,P1,P2tog] 3x-(24 total)

R14: [K2,K2tog,K2,P2tog] 3x-(18 total)

R15: [K1,K2tog,K1,K2tog] 3x-(12 total)

R16: [K2tog] 3x-(6 total)

Cut yarn and fasten off!!

Giving

2009-11-03T12:23:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, giving sucks. Well, only when the person you give to acts oblivious to it, and/or doesn't return the favor. And there are different degrees of giving. Like giving a friend one of your Reese's after trick or treating, if they don't give back, not a big deal! But then there are moments when you give something valuable, something that is precious to you and they don't thank you or return the favor. That is when it hurts! You almost feel like you gave up a piece of yourself and it only goes to shit! You don't feel as whole as you did. You start off feeling something for this person, I can't think of a word describing what that feeling is perhaps a type of love, even if this person is a friend. And you want to give something to this person, as a sign of your affection. And you want that something to be special hoping that it will also mean something to the person. So when you give it, whatever it is, your nervous you have a little bit of fear as to whether that person will accept it, appreciate it. And if they do, fantastic! You two have a connection, you can go further in that relationship you have even more of that indescribable feeling for the person. But if they don't, the pain and let down is terrible. You feel worthless, like shit. And you have a new hatred for the person, even for a little while. You also lose respect for them. Sometimes, depending on what you gave, this only lasts for a little while and sometimes and can completely end what you felt for the person.

In my case, it hasn't ended anything, put its put me closer to that point. I have lost a little bit of love for him and respect. I tried giving him something that I thought, judging from past conversations he would really love from me. But there was no acknowledgement and there was no return. And now I am angry, and upset. And trying to figure out what to do now. How to confront him without sounding stupid and pathetic. But at this moment just trying to calm down and think rationally!!

Lifeless Wasteland

2009-10-27T20:31:00.002-04:00

Its been a while! Ok, a summer! I'm not someone who can keep a regular schedule of these things. I get bored easily. I only write when I need it out! When no one around me will listen. Kyle and I are still together which is a miracle to me. He is really good at making big lists of all of my faults. His only fault I see is that he makes this list. Everything else I can surpass, everything else doesn't bother me, because I know that is just the way he is and I can't change who he is. But it feels like he is constantly trying to change ME. I wonder how much longer this is going to last. One minute I absolutely love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him and the next, I want to get the hell away from him. Like right now! Which is why I am writing here! But I might end up going for a walk in a little bit and listen to Type O.

On a knitting note,

I am going to attempt dyeing for the first time here in my little apartment. And I will be dyeing with kool-aid and my microwave. Will definitely document it with photography when I can FIND my camera!

Nervous feelings and a Bolero

2009-05-12T14:35:00.002-04:00

So I have very little time to memorize all of the info I need to talk about on the tours, which I will be starting tomorrow!!!
I am trying to change this nervousness into excitement. Most of the info I already know for as many times as I have gone to the Lilac Festival. Its the numbers I am worried about. But that's what index cards are for right? Its a good thing I won't know any of these people.

I have also started knitting a Bolero I found a pattern on Ravelry:

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/ribbed-lace-bolero

I think its cute and can't wait to be able to wear it to work!!

No Noose Is Good News

2009-05-10T09:20:00.002-04:00

Done with Lover boy!

So I am volunteering for the Lilac Festival again this year! This time I get to give the guide tours aboard the motor coaches! I get to be the tour guide!! You know, what I'm going to school for!
So I am VERY excited!

And with my excitement of both that and Spring finally arriving, I have been all over the place with my knitting! The main thing I am wanting to knit now is a wrap/shawl or poncho. Kyle keeps mocking any of the patterns I find saying they are for old ladies. And even though I have finally found one now, ("Razor's Edge from Stitch'N Bitch Nation) I can't decide what freakin yarn to use!
And I am on a budget so I can't get anything fancy!
Damn!!

We're Not In Highschool Anymore Dorothy!

2009-05-01T08:03:00.002-04:00

I have been out of High school for three years now...and I was kind of hoping I was going to leave the ridiculous drama behind. The kind of drama that overflows and overwhelms. The childish kind of drama.
When a friend is trying to create a serious relationship with every girl he talks to because he is so desperate to replace what he lost with another friend. He doesn't realize he can never replace her, and no girl will ever be like her. So stop the comparison. And when he finds a girl he likes it takes him only 3 days of conversation to ask her to be his. If he could he probably would have written her a note saying "Will you go out with me? check yes or no"
Now the girl he has his sights on is an R.I.T girl. And she's the kind of R.I.T girl who LOVES the attention of all the guys. Who is so desperate for such attention, she will sleep with any and all of them! And lover boy is just another guy on her list.
Lover boy has constantly been warned about these girls. Lover boy has been given a great deal of advice on how to deal with what she did. Lover boy is an idiot and doesn't listen. Fine. Just don't come back to your friends and expect them to fix it and make you feel better again. It is now your own damn problem and you will be alone in it!!!

End of One Beginning Another

2009-04-25T16:55:00.003-04:00

Finished Sarah's hat in time for the Crazy Hat Party hosted by the 272 Gang.
The pom-pom is a little flat but she wanted something really big. the cable goes all the way down the ear flap and only looks bigger because I changed the colors. Then there are just braids for the ties coming from the ear flaps.

So now that I got that done I was starting a log cabin blanket to take along our camping trip, but this recent 80 degree weather is really changing my mood from blanket making to cotton halter tops but we shall see who will win...

On a different note, my boyfriend Kyle will be moving in with me. He is still a little irate that I keep knitting things that AREN'T his scarf...but with this weather...I can't really stand to look at it right now.
i probably wont pick it up til it gets colder.

Ostara

2009-04-13T08:07:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was Easter, had an IHOP breakfast with Sarah, my second family. Neither of us were able to be with our own family so we planned on exchanging baskets later after work.
We put Sarah's little bunny, Maggie, in an Easter basket and a bow on her head and took pictures, because we both love forced Kodak moments.

Sarah's Magnificent Hat

2009-04-09T16:28:00.007-04:00

Sarah has designed and commissioned me to knit her a slouchy hat with earflaps...and pom poms.
Last night Steph came over for comforting and Sarah to help with comforting and Kyle was just there to see me. Somehow this little gathering turned into a knitting party of sorts. Kyle just wanted to practice knitting and became frustrated and began putting himself down for dropping stitches. Steph wanted to knit a hat on straight needles and Sarah wanted to do her homework while making sure I was working on her hat.

Kyle soon became very annoyed with knitting and started using my needles as drum sticks.

But back to the hat...

I'm in the process of decreasing while keeping the cable from getting smaller. I have until Saturday do finish it in time for 272 Riverknoll's "Silly Hat Party"

Awesome!

Funny World

2009-04-09T16:26:00.001-04:00

So many thing to complain about in the world. Too many, I find. Our Government, our country, their country, taxes, lack of money, spoiled generations, deterioration of our speech, school system, television, movies, stars doing this wrong, presidents saying this wrong, people are inconsiderate and selfish, no one is saving the environment, no one is stopping this war.

Too many!

What about the rarest of rare moments when someone does something kind...for no apparent reason? No body notices these because they instantly become suspicious. Why would they do that? There must have been a reason!! They must have some evil reason behind it!

But why? Why is it so impossible to be so nice?

A lady showed her appreciation for my good customer service by buying me a cup of coffee from our cafe! And that single act has made this day more beautiful than I had ever planned on making it out to be! It made me want to return that happiness to someone else. And I hope I have. But I am not the judge on whether I have. It is for the people who received that kindness that decide on whether it made them happy.